New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
