so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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