why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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