dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
