I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize