New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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