That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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