I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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