I hope mine doesn't look like that
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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