Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize