Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
