come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
