out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
