at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
