you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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