For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
