why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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