Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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