I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
