Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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