People with herpes should wear stickers.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
