First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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