Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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