Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
There are leaves in my underwear?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize