I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You can't special order awesome
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
