I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
