I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
