i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize