there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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