Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
