I think my vagina is haunted
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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