You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
