He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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