I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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