I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
