the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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