so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
