so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
be right there i have to get my cape
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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