I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize