im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
