wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
