i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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