You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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