his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Also, beer. Big fan.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
