This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
