i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Is Oprah even human
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