it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
