It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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