also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize