Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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