Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
