oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
