it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
