in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
