i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
