I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
