my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
