just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
