we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
