At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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