no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
this hospital has no fireball
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
