If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize