please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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