a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
