I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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