I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
