he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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