he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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