Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize