Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
