some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
