Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
