She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
