pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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