What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize