...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
