Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
