"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
