Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
