"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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