I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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