He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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