whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
