And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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