And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
