Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
