so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
